An inexplicable smile...

She got down from the bus, hair disheveled, probably from the window seat or maybe from dozing off for a bit against the backrest.

She is careful not to put a false step between the road and the last step of the bus and is trying her best to avoid bumping into the hasty pedestrians who quite clearly do not appreciate this sudden pop-up person delimiting their pace.

A few more steps and once she comfortably settles in her pace with the world around her, she looks up.

Almost automatically her eyes crinkle against the rays of the sun and it is then that you see it. In a flash of a moment. In her eyes.

The dawning of awareness of the chaotic world around her, as if a bubble engulfing her has suddenly burst.

As if, she just stepped outside a momentary make-shift world where all that mattered was planting a steady foot on the ground and not stepping on anyone's toes. Nothing else existed. And suddenly that world's gone. But realization quickly settles in.

Her eyes are now un-crinkled. Any remnants of the vulnerability of being caught unawares has left them.

She scoops out her umbrella and takes a step forward.

My car swooshes past her, the signal's turned green.


Although rather an insignificant moment in the life of a daily commuter, this moment caught me, it hooked me. Gave me an inexplicable smile. Inspired me. I shall not reason it. In a world where sometimes you have to work really hard to get hold of happiness, inexplicable smiles are keepers.

So look around. Take it in. Spare an empty moment to be filled.
And when you find your "inexplicable smile" moment, whether amidst a crazy schedule or a busy day, keep it. Let it make you feel good. Just plain good. No reasons attached.

The Perfect Storm

As gushes of dust and warm wind engulfs the city in a storm that momentarily welcomes happy and worried faces alike,and a cloak of darkness wraps the sky and you sit snugly with a warm cup of coffee at a corner of your verandah, as an unattached spectator to Nature’s play and man’s myriad reactions to another of Her unexpected quirks, you realize, that the storm is just a reflection of life,  as we know it, and it’s perfect.

That child smiling goofily at his surroundings, that perplexed mother pulling him closer and trying to find a shade, both are you. You, at that moment  when you were happy for no reason. You at that moment when you were all worked up trying to protect a loved one.

That guy with the tie running with a briefcase over his head, is you too.You,  in a moment of  struggle, trying to make it to your destination, realize your aim.

The unexplainable satisfaction you got  in doing good unto another selflessly !? Yes, it can be seen in the eyes of that security guard who helped that old man,who got dust in his eyes and whose hands were filled with heavy bags of grocery shopping, come down the stairs of the supermarket.

You get my point.

We are all living in a sudden storm. And just like the perfect book or the perfect movie that makes you smile, cry, rejoice, feel depressed or find delight in it, this storm is perfect.

And it brings moments, scattered yet organised slides of emotions which piece by piece makes up your story.

The storm makes sure that your life is worth living.That you have stories to tell.

Paulo Coelho once said, something to the effect, that when everyday of your life seems the same, you have stopped living. 

Thus if not for the storm, your life  would have been a series of similar looking, mundane slides of the same emotions. Without any reason to wake up and live another day. With nothing new to experience or  feel. You would have stopped living.


So rejoice in the storm. Be assured, that as long as it’s all a whirlwind, you’re alive.

Love the dissapointments as much as the successes.

Because it is the imperfections that make this life perfect.
 

Embracing the yesterday that made way for today...

Life is moving.
For some forward and for some others backward, and for the yet remaining, in circles. But it's never still.
And along with itself, life drags us.
We are pushed into unknown terrains while all we want to do is stay put in the comfort of our cocoon.
And in all this dragging and pulling, we grow. We grow in all our relationships, in all our responsibilities, in all our expectations, our opinions and as well as in our dreams.
But once in a while, when we look back, in reflection or maybe just out of compulsion, at us, at the marks our treaded path has left behind, we feel surprised.
"I did that, really !?'' or  "I don't believe, I said that !" or as in my case, the question that planted the seed of this blog post, "I used to write like that !?".
But, the journals that i used to keep, the last pages of my every slam book that i used to fill, or the first blog that i ever wrote, are today, all reminders that I have grown.
And I am happy with this growth. Had I not been the person who wrote all that, I would never have been the person I am today, the person I quite like being.
No. We are never the person we want to be. But in the journey of becoming that person, every now then, we should check if we would have liked ourselves, if ever we were introduced to us; Whether you like being you.

So here's to all the silly words I spoke and the journals i wrote, all the times I texted in the incomprehensible text language, all the times I slipped and picked myself my up hoping no one had noticed, all the wrong friendships I made and all the stupid crushes I had !
Here's to being dragged and pushed by life ! Here's to growing up yet not forgetting who you were !

And finally, here's to starting to blog again after almost two years but not deleting the past blogs !!








 

my rigid attention....

I've realised I have an intense attention division disorder.

I can do only one thing at a time.

Now,this ''at a time'' refers to each particular phases of  my mood.So it can be hours,days,weeks or just minutes.

If I'm reading,I just keep on readin and reading,till I complete the book[or whatever it is am reading] I'm on.But while at it I don't do anythin else.I honestly don't get the time 'cause am so occupied.Its like my mind just works one way.I don't watch t.v,I dont use the internet,I try and avoid as much of the goin'-on-forever phone chats with my friends.I behave pretty possesed-y.

And its the same way with everything else that i like doing.When am doin' one,the other doesn't exist till i get over what am doin'.

My point precisely is that I cannot balance.Its either this OR that.

Like right now I'm blogging and this serial I really like,two and a half men,is on.Now since I had already started writing this before the show started,I just cannot stop writing midway,put down my laptop and watch the serial and then get back to it.If this is where my attention is,I'm incapable of dividing it with the t.v show.

Now,this thing has to go.Apart from when am reading,in every other case, its really annoying to be not be able to balance my attention.

See with my reading habits I'm very partial.That's the only idiosyncracy I have,which I have no intention of dealin' with.The rest,I like to think, really ain't a big deal.I'll overcome sooner or later!

Or atleast I can be in a little more in peace with my mind if I keep tellin' myself that.

to begin with

me::welcome myself :)
hope u have a amazing blog life!!
myself::hey thanks ! I hope so too :)
me::so how and when did u decide that u want to blog,given the technologically challenged person you are??
myself::well...it happened last night actually..i could'nt sleep and when i can't sleep its mostly because my mind's working overtime..amidst a blur of thoughts,that i won't bore u with right now 'cause u'll have a lot of them in the coming days,i decided i should blog.....well atleast try..its pretty easy to get started i discovered..so here i am..tantarrrann :]
me::ahh that's interesting ! so now that u're here,how do u propose to overcome ur unfriendly terms with technology in general..???
myself::listen don't keep saying that.we are not at all on unfriendly terms.i just like to think that my survival does not depend on the internet and its kith and kins..
me::[smirkin'] whatever way u wanna put it hon!
myself::[intensely irritated with me's attitude] are we done here ??
me::nooo dear..u just got started remember..?? temme more..did u tell your family and friends about it..what do they think??
myself::i will i will..just told mummy though..she thinks its great but is more occupied with the idea that i will use it as another excuse to not sleep at night[yeah i do that pretty often..till now my "substantial reasons" were the totally unputdownable book or the great movie i just could'nt not watch right now]
me::and ur dad??
myself::baba's sleepin'..and neway with him i'll first have to start explaining with what a "blog" is..
me::[smirkin' annoyingly yet again]ahh..like father like daughter one would say..
myself::so lets wrap it at that then..i need to go around this place and understand few other stuff..till i see you again good luck with your unnecessary inquisitiveness and... have fun[i added this 'cause am i genuinely nice person u see] !
me::sure babe ! love our little chats you know !
myself:: yeeahp........
me:: :)[its one of those trying to be nice but really, tryin' to impose a superior aura kind of smiles.]